I have been feeling increasingly uncomfortable in my own skin these past few months. This isn't a metaphor, not quite, because I quite literally feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I've gained nearly 20 pounds, and while that may not seem like a lot, or even be immediately noticeable to others, I can feel it every morning when I'm trying to squeeze into pants, or wondering how to hide this "life-preserver" that's appeared around my midsection.
I know how to reverse this, I know how to take care of myself, I know what I need to be eating and how I need to be moving in order to see a positive change in my shape. But I am having the hardest time being consistently kind to myself and being a cheerleader for my own team. In some aspects of life, I am doing a great job at self-love and self-support. In other aspects....I am letting myself down.
For me, this sort of behavior (whether it's overeating, or procrastinating, or letting my house get totally messy & sorta gross, etc) is self-destructive. When I am not taking care of myself--my whole self (mind, body, work, art, spirit) it manifests itself in behavior that at first seems simply indulgent ("ok, I will have some ice cream"...."nah, the dishes can wait til tomorrow"....."I don't need to start that research right now") but then quickly snowballs into self-destructive repetition. I make a good show of being a functioning adult when out "in the real world," but when in self-destruction mode, that good show really is just that: a show. The Laura Is A Functioning Adult show is actually helpful, though, because it grounds me and reminds me that I will pull out of the self-destructive behavior, that I am capable of accomplishing things, and that not all is lost.
